


Shine So Bright

by Kirbydesu248



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Amputation, Chimera Ant, Death, Feels, Gen, Grieving, M/M, Oneshot, Remorse, Sad, back at it with the feels, memorial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 22:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20379331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirbydesu248/pseuds/Kirbydesu248
Summary: Gone was the one who should be hurt - not Killua. Gon was the selfish one, the reckless one. Killua was smart, skilled, careful... He was indestructible. So why was Leorio saying that there was an accident? That his best friend, his hero, might not make it?





	Shine So Bright

Gon felt like he hadn’t breathed in days, not since Leorio called. Normally, the young hunter was an overly-excited mess whenever his old friend called-- normally it was a happy occasion filled with nostalgia, catching up, and future plans. 

_ This had not been one of those times.  _

_ “Gon, buddy, there’s been an attack.”  _

_ Words that Gon would never have expected. Words that would foreshadow his whirlwind nightmare of a week.  _

_ In the moments that followed, the doctor explained to the best of his ability the events that had unfolded-- Not that the stunned boy could fully comprehend the situation.  _

_ “There’s an anti-hunter terrorist group that’s coming out of the woodworks. I don’t know their motives, but there was a bomb that went off in a cafe and some sort of manifesto that was released right after claiming responsibility. I haven’t read it and I don’t want to.” Leorio explained.  _

_ Despite being in his early twenties, Gon believed he sounded decades older. He also couldn’t help but feel a sense of impending dread, “Leorio, that’s… that’s horrible. But I don’t understand-- why’d you call me? Kurapika would probably be more help than me. He’s the blacklist hunter.”  _

_ A shaky breath was heard over the phone speaker, “Gon...Killua and Alluka were in that cafe this morning.” _

Gon had denied it profusely, saying that it was nothing more than a sick joke and that Leorio wasn’t funny. But as his older friend told him the truth, hot tears streamed down his face. 

_ “Alluka… Alluka didn’t make it. I tried so hard, but she was already gone when I was able to find her. Killua’s being prepped for emergency surgery right now. I’m going to do my damndest to save him, Gon. I won’t lose him too.” Leorio assured through a strong voice that persisted through the hitched breaths and mucus that threatened to drown him in his own attempts to be Gon’s rock.  _

Gon didn’t know whether to curse those who caused this explosion, curse God for letting it happen, or curse himself for not being there. Days of not seeing Killua following their departure at World Tree turned into two years of nothing more than spread out phone calls, birthday and holiday postcards, and letters in a vain attempt to cover up the wounds they’d left on each other. The wounds Gon had left on himself and on his best friend.

After a while, the facade broke away until they no longer attempted it. Gon had no words to fix what he’d done all that time ago after Kite was first killed, and Killua was far too scared to allow himself to get close to his friend again. The walls were back up and the two were now strangers with nothing to say to each other. With  _ everything _ to say and no way to say it. 

But now they may never get the chance because Killua was fighting for his life with nothing to fight for. His sister was gone. Nanika was gone. Gon was long gone from his life. Everything Killua had fought for in the past was no longer with him, and that scared Gon.  _ What if he gives up? _

Unfortunately, luck wasn’t on his side because while he was running in a rush across Whale Island to go to Yorknew, where Leorio resided and the hospital where Killua’s surgery was taking place stood, he quickly found that ships were backed up as a result of the attack and that no travel in or out of the city was allowed. It would be days before the sixteen year old would be getting off that island-- days of Killua laying alone in that hospital room. 

Gon was the one who should be hurt-- not Killua. Gon was the selfish one, the reckless one. He was the one who deserved to fight for his life after all of the wrong that he’d done. Killua was smart, calculated, skilled, careful… He was indestructible. Killua was Gon’s everything. So why was he the one in the middle of surgery, while Gon was safe on the beach? It wasn’t fair, and it wrecked Gon to the core. 

\--------------------

  
  


Gon didn’t step into the hospital for ten days. By then, the city was nothing but a madhouse of grieving civilians, law enforcement, and an epicenter for one of the largest Hunter Association investigations since the Chimera Ants. 

In the time that it took for Gon to get there, there had been two more attacks on the city and a total of seventy-five dead, many others missing. Killua had endured six surgeries, been brought back twice, and lost his right hand-- the hand he’d used in a futile attempt to shield Alluka. 

Truly, Gon was trying to count his blessings through all of this. After all, had another doctor been overseeing his best friend in Leorio’s place, the other teen likely wouldn’t have made it at all. But even still, as Gon’s hand hovered over the door handle to room 238, he was afraid. He knew he hadn’t been welcome in Killua’s life for the better part of two years, so what right did he have barging in right in the middle of mourning and suffering? He didn’t know what would be awaiting him when he walked through that door. Would Killua survive? Would he be happy to see Gon, throw him out? Crying, anger, resentment-- 

The grip on the door handle strengthened. Had Gon seriously not learned a damn thing? Killua was suffering. They’d lost Alluka and Nanika. Yet Gon was actually making it about  _ him _ ! It didn’t matter what Killua did to him when he walked into that room-- Gon would be his rock if he needed it, and would be his punching bag too. Gon would be whatever Killua needed him to be in that moment, and for the rest of his life. 

So with a resolve he hadn’t shown since their parting, he took a shaky breath and opened the door slowly. 

Had it not been for the steady rise and fall of the unconscious teen’s chest and the sharp beeping of the heart monitor, Gon might have thought Killua dead. He was ghostly pale safe for the ghastly gashes that had been stitched and stapled, the black and blue bruises tattering his skin, the red-tinted bandaged nub where his right hand should be.

It terrified, nauseated, saddened, and relieved Gon all at once. He was grateful that he was even alive at all, but the negatives were definitely mounted up. Did he realize that the sister he’d loved so dearly was gone? Was he in a lot of pain? He’d have to relearn so much with his left hand, would need to adjust without his right. And what about his mental and emotional health? Would he even be the same person as before?

He was once again alerted to tears wettening his tan skin and furiously wiped at them, refusing to mourn when Killua was suffering such a worse fate. Silent steps approached his bed as Gon somberly sat in a nearby chair, unable to stop himself from stroking the sleeping boy’s hair. 

“Killua… I’m so sorry. I’m going to take care of you. I promise.” Gon said with a quiet determination, knowing that, while things won’t ever be the same, he would still care for Killua always. 

He would always love him. 

\-------------------

While Gon was relieved that Killua never had another brush with death since he’d been by his side, he was definitely beginning to feel his anxiety heighten. He’d now been at the hospital, in Killua’s room, for three weeks. In all of that time, there’d been no changes whatsoever. 

“Well? Anything?” Gon asked anxiously, showing more paranoia than his usual impatience as Leorio examined Killua’s vitals. 

He sighed heavily and shook his head, turning to face Gon. “I can’t say that I’m too surprised. It’s common for trauma patients to experience comas right after an event like that. His body is fighting to keep itself functioning, to make sense of what’s happened. But his brain activity is promising and his arm seems to be healing perfectly so far. So we just need to wait, okay?” He assured with a kind smile masking his own pain and stress from the rising death toll. 

Gon gave him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to be patient. I’m just… scared.” He said softly, his gaze traveling back to Killua’s expressionless face. The porcelain features were becoming more visible again as the bruises yellowed and faded, but that didn’t change the dark truth of the battle he was facing. A hand on Gon’s shoulder jolted him from his thoughts and he brought his somber eyes up to the doctor’s. 

“He’ll be okay, Gon. Just have faith. He has you, doesn’t he? He has all of us. Kurapika’s out there fighting to get justice with the other hunters. Palm is watching over both of you along with Mito and Bisky. Losing Alluka… it’s heartbreaking and I can only imagine what he’ll be going through when he wakes up, but he won’t be going through it alone. So just play your part and we’ll play ours.” Leorio said, giving him a tight hug, and Gon had never held more admiration for his friend than during these past weeks. 

“Thank you, Leorio. Thank you so much.” Gon whispered, hugging him back, eventually pulling back to take his rightful place by Killua’s bedside. 

It was another few days before lax hand in Gon’s grip twitched, a day after that before azure blue eyes shrouded in confusion opened. 

Gon didn’t utter a sound, staring at the boy he loved as if he were a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. His mouth opened but not a sound escaped as those blue eyes he’d dreamt of looked around before their gaze met. 

“...G...Gon…?” A hoarse whisper croaked in Killua’s beautiful voice. He seemed to be in shock for a moment or two before tears formed in his eyes and washed away that look of confusion, replacing it with that of such intense sorrow Gon had never before seen. 

Gon couldn’t offer any words, because nothing would be enough in this moment. Nothing he said or did would bring Alluka back. Nothing would erase the explosion, Pitou, what Gon had said and done in the past. No words could repair his best friend right now, so Gon instead tightened his grip on Killua’s left hand, not bothering to wipe his own tears away as they silently cried together. 

\-------

To say that Killua was having hard time would be an understatement. None of his training could have prepared him for losing his sister and his hand-- his dominant one at that. All of this while having a giant elephant in the room constantly by his side. Gon never spoke to Killua about the past, not wanting to overwhelm him and not wanting to make it about him. 

But even with avoiding one painful topic, Killua’s moods and emotions were erratic at best. He was never smiling, of course, all happiness devoid from his features. But the lows were… inconsistent. Gon never knew if Killua would wake up with unbearable phantom pain from his missing appendage, if he’d start bawling because of the loss of his sister. If he’d scream at Gon for being overbearing (which happened a lot some days), if he’d just be deathly silent all day. Eye contact was rare even on the better days, and there were quite a few times where he needed to be force-fed. 

While Gon never made it about him aloud, there were times where he admittedly wanted to do what Killua told him to do and to just  _ leave _ . Still, he never did. Even when the yelling hurt. Even when he wanted to cry too. Even when he, too, felt an unbearable absence. This was his chance to make amends and to be there-- and he would, even when it hurt. 

But things didn’t get better, at least not quickly. Mood swings were often, crying along with it. 

“Just fucking do what you do best and leave, Gon! I don’t need your pity. I can do things myself. So get the fuck out.” Killua snapped, still not making eye contact. That honestly hurt Gon the most-- not the words or the tone, but not even looking at him.

And quite honestly, after being told similar things for months, Gon was  _ sick  _ of it. He dropped the tray of food down on the side table with more force than necessary and sent a fiery glare the former assassin’s way. “If you want me to go, say it to my face. Because I’m not taking a damn step out of that door until you look at me and say it.” He growled, clenching his fists. It was the first time he’d let his temper slip since Killua had woken. 

Killua didn’t repeat the words, nor did he look at Gon. Rather, he simply looked at his lap, clenching his trembling fists. 

Gon took that as a sign to continue, his temper still flaring, “What’s your deal, Killua? I get that you’re hurting and that life sucks and that you’re going through a lot! I  _ get  _ it. But I’m here for you now. I’m trying to help! So just let me! Get that fucking stick out of your ass and let me--” 

“You  _ don’t  _ get it!” Killua said, still not looking up. “And what do you mean you’re here for me? For how long this time? How long until you get bored and leave? Or until something else happens and you throw me aside? How long until I lose you again?” 

Gon was silent, the true sincerity of Killua’s words resinating with him, complete with the choked sob as he struggled to finish his sentence. The green-haired hunter hesitantly reached out a hand to grasp the other’s chin, gently lifting his face to look into the tear-filled eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, Killua. I made that mistake once, and it was the worst thing I’d ever done-- the second being how I treated you back then. I wasn’t by your side back then, but I am now, and I always will. You won’t ever lose me. Not ever again.” He said quietly, the conviction in his voice catching himself off guard. “I know the world’s dark… but let me be your light, okay?” 

Killua’s breath hitched then, and Gon found himself taking him into his arms, holding him close in a loving embrace. “I’m here, Killua. I’m here…” He breathed softly, rubbing his friend’s back with soothing circles as he felt his shoulder dampen with tears.

\---------------

Gon held Killua’s pale hand firmly in his own, looking toward the gravesite before him, thumbing the silver ring on his finger. Alluka’s ashes were kept with Killua, and with Gon, at all times so that they could show her the world-- and they had. But the memorial for her was among the other hundred or so victims of that tragic month in Yorknew. 

It had taken several years, but the Hunters Association had finally apprehended each and every member of that terrorist organization who’d risen up against the association in a rebellion. They’d finally brought them to justice. And so a special celebration service was being held for the victims’ families, friends, along with the survivors of the attack. A field of stones and monuments, flowers and gardens. At the center of the cemetery was a beautiful angelic statue in memory of all of those lost-- in memory of Alluka.

Gon’s gaze turned to his fiance’s, his hand squeezing the other’s until their eyes met in a solemn remembrance. “She’s finally at peace, Killua. They all are.” Gon breathed out, giving his hand another squeeze. 

Killua nodded, taking a shuddering breath. “Yeah. Do you think she’s okay, up there?” He asked, looking up at the night sky and the countless stars filling it.

Gon joined him with a thoughtful hum, “I think she’s better now that we have closure. She doesn’t have to worry about us anymore. Just like we don’t have to worry about her.”

Killua’s head found Gon’s shoulder as they gazed up at the stars, knowing that in that dark world, there would always be light to guide them home. 


End file.
